March ’15 in Review

Posted April 6, 2015 by Lillian in Features / 4 Comments

monthly-rewind

Did you miss me?! Or did you not even notice I was gone 😉  Well, either way I missed all of you! March was a month of emotional highs and lows for me which resulted in my unexpected two week hiatus from the blog. Now I feel the need to explain, not for you but for me. So it’s going to get a little personal, possibly a lot emotional. If you’re only here for the reviews, skip to the next section.

To tell this story, you need a little background. It all started 8 years ago when my husband and I decided we were ready to have children. Two years later with no success on our own, my doctor diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian syndrome, PCOS for short. Basically with PCOS, my ovaries are stingy with their eggs and hang on to them, not releasing them. In other words, I can have regular cycles without any hope of pregnancy. I was devastated. I’m an only child so my dream was to always have a big family (no less than four kids, no joke this is my dream!) and my husband shared that dream with me.

Obviously we eventually had our Liam after another two years and several different medicine combinations. That’s another story for another time 😀 My husband and I have never stopped wanting more children, but for us it’s nearly impossible to get pregnant without the aid of medication and physicians. Notice I said nearly. A month ago I would’ve just said impossible, but then God proved me wrong.

At the beginning of March, I just wasn’t feeling well. I was tired, bloated, and basically everything was making me sick. After getting up one morning, I thought “Hmmm….I have a pregnancy test in here. It’s probably going to be negative but I’ll take it anyway.” Well….it wasn’t. It lit up immediately and I was speechless. I couldn’t even use words to tell my husband. I just took him the test. We were ecstatic!

Then about mid-March right before my first appointment, I started having some bleeding. Not anything heavy and nothing I was too concerned about because I had bleeding with Liam too. The ultrasound was everything it should be. There was a beautiful, tiny baby with a tiny heart beating in my uterus and I was on cloud nine. Then the doctor brought me down. The baby’s heart rate was a little low and to be safe they wanted to check it again the next week.

Well the next week came with a lot more bleeding and then the ultrasound that ultimately showed our sweet baby had died. There was no heartbeat. I have no words for my feelings at that moment. Devastated, heartbroken, empty….they just don’t cover it. Later that afternoon I had a D&C and was sent home with an emptiness I can’t describe. Here I was after four years of no birth control, no precautions whatsoever, finally pregnant to only miscarry.

I don’t pretend to understand why God saw fit to take our angel home to Him, but thanks to my faith in Him and the prayers of our friends and family I’ve come to accept it. And while we are heartbroken and I still have this empty feeling I can’t shake, there’s hope. Because after being married for almost 9 years, we got pregnant without any medication or physician telling us what to do and when to do it! That big family I’ve dreamed of is still a very real possibility.

God showed me something last month. Something I’ve always thought I believed but He proved to me that I really didn’t. All things are possible through Him. Just because a doctor told us it was going to be nearly impossible and month after month of negative pregnancy tests, I believed it impossible but God proved us wrong last month. Our sweet angel may not be here with us and I may never hold her (yes, in my mind it was always a girl) but she gave me hope and that’s a hope and a reminder that I will never forget.

Because of everything that was going on with our little baby, I couldn’t sleep much, so I read. I think I doubled what I read all year last month alone! So I have lots of books to share with you in April and possibly May (like I said I read a lot!!!). I also received a ton of books last month and since I didn’t have a Sunday Post for half the month, I figured I may as well do a monthly book haul as well. Look for that post later today 😉 What did you read in March? Did you do anything fun?

Favorite March Read

Book Cover for "The Forsaken" by Laura Thalassa

Hands down my favorite read in March! I’ve waited nearly a year to read it and it was 100% worth the wait. Only one book left in this series by Laura Thalassa. If you enjoy young adult, paranormal romance, and urban fantasy, I highly suggest you go check these books out!

Favorite March Quote

As far as opening lines go, this one takes the cake 😉

I lived in the home of the man I’d killed.

~ From The Infinite by Lori M. Lee

Reviews in March

Other March Fun

Coming up in April

Since I took a short break in March, I got really behind on reviews and my reading challenges. So April will be packed full of reviews of new or newish books! Here’s a few you can look forward to:

Book Cover for "A Hope Remembered" by Stacy Henrie
Book Cover for "The Decaying Empire" by Laura Thalassa
Book Cover for "Gates of Thread and Stone" by Lori M. Lee
Book Cover for "Dragonfly in Amber (Outlander, #2)" by Diana Gabaldon
Book Cover for "Claimed (Servants of Fate, #2)" by Sarah Fine

What are you looking forward to in April?

For me, April is a chance to wash away all the bad of March. It signifies the beginning of Spring and the hope of all things made new. I’m looking forward to this fresh start and of course new books to read 😉 We have no real plans, my sweet husband is off this week on vacation and it’s looking like a stay-cation (you know stay at home and do nothing kind of week) which sounds perfect to me! What are you doing in April?

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4 responses to “March ’15 in Review

  1. I am so sorry that you lost your precious baby. I know that is heartbreaking, my mom had two miscarriages before she finally had my baby brother and she was distraught. I don’t know ifI believe in God, but I do believe that we have all have a purpose in life, and hope that you and your husband can recover from your loss and have the opportunity to have another child later on. Sending positive thoughts your way <3 Glad to have you back!

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